This blog contains spoilers for The Duke & I and mentions of mature (18+) content
This could’ve easily been a 3 or 4 star read – if it weren’t for the hitting, fighting, explosive anger, and sexual assault. What the hell happened?
Buckle up, partner. I have a lot to say about this book.
Trigger warning: sexual assault / rape.
What’s The Duke & I about?
Simon, a duke avoiding marriage, and Daphne, a socialite looking to get engaged, pretend to court – and must avoid falling in love while they’re at it.
The second half of this book took a nosedive.
The First Half
At first, things were going fine. It was an easy romance, with several fun tropes.
My main issue in the first half was that the writing was weak in places. This was a third person narrative, but we still jumped a lot “between heads” in the middle of scenes, which was always jarring.
Plus, the plot lacked richness. It didn’t have any subplots, and it could’ve used the side characters more. This is something the show actually does better. The main couple also got together so early; by about the 45% mark, they were planning a wedding. The fake dating plot definitely could’ve been drawn out more to build more longing and tension, which is another way the show is superior.
Overall this book is only about Simon and Daphne, which was fine for what it was, but it wasn’t going to be a 5-star read or anything. I was okay with that. But then…
The Second Half
It was concerning how many times a character hit or wanted to hit their supposed love interest. The anger issues and fighting were rampant.
There was also a lot of benevolent sexism, particularly with mentions of husbands “owning” their wives, wifely obedience, and the virtue of virginity. I understand that I should expect some degree of this, since it’s a historical romance taking place over two centuries ago. I get it. But if I had to read one more scene about a protective older brother fighting (or trying to fight) their sister’s love interest, I was going to scream.
But that wasn’t even the worst of it. The worst of it was Daphne’s sexual assault of Simon.
To summarize the main issue (spoiler warning, again): Simon doesn’t want to get married because he doesn’t want to have children. His father was a terrible man, so Simon wants the dukedom to die with him. However, for whatever reason, he doesn’t see fit to explain this to Daphne at any point (ugh, miscommunication). So much so that he’d rather literally duel her brother to the death than take her hand in marriage. So when circumstances force them into marriage anyway, he tells her he can’t have children and takes advantage of her naiveté around sex ed to basically “pull out” every time he finishes.
Fast forward: Daphne figures it out, and when Simon comes home drunk one night, she decides to take advantage of his state. He’s just conscious enough to enjoy it (which doesn’t make it okay, but it’s definitely passed off that way). At the end, she essentially buckles down and makes him finish inside her.
Graphic? Yes. Simon feels so betrayed afterward that he can’t speak (his character has a stutter). It was really disturbing, and it ruined my whole view of the book. Daphne forced Simon to do something sexually that he wasn’t comfortable with. If the roles were reversed, this would absolutely be a different story.
In the end, it’s not successful and she doesn’t get pregnant. But when Simon understandably takes off and leaves her in the dust, the whole narrative is painted as sad for Daphne, since she obviously knows what’s good for Simon. And that what’s apparently good for Simon is to have children (even if against his will). So she mopes about waiting on Simon to come around.
This is the perfect example of a character who is problematic instead of flawed. Daphne not only doesn’t appear to feel bad for what she did, she also doesn’t have to fix it or change as a person. She doesn’t even apologize. Everyone else is the problem but her. And in the end, she wins. Simon comes home, they kiss and make up, and he decides he’s ready right away to build a family. Despite a lifetime of not wanting children at all.
As someone who doesn’t want to have kids myself, I found it really disappointing that Daphne never had to respect Simon’s decision. I think it paints a picture in which people who say they don’t want to have kids are just saying so as a trauma response, or that they will change their minds if the “right person comes along.” Which is bullshit.
One More Note: Miscommunication
While there was potential here to analyze the negative effects of a lack of sex ed for women and girls of the time period, this book fails to do so. The television show, however, does.
In the show, Daphne confronts her mother about her lack of sex education. In the book, there is no confrontation; in fact, it’s all presented as, “Oh well! Poor mother, she was so embarrassed.” If Daphne felt any resentment, she didn’t show it.
Really, this book thrived on miscommunication, and miscommunication only. Had her mother explained sex, and had Simon explained why he didn’t want to have children, this whole plot wouldn’t have happened at all.
Should you read The Duke & I?
In my opinion, you can skip it.
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2 responses to “The Duke & I (Bridgerton 1): Romanticizing toxic relationships”
Miscommunication is just frustrating at this point. Maybe if it happens for a short period of time, but making the whole damn plot about it? There’s no way. Even if the main characters are 17, right now most of the people at this age knows the basics to nurturing a good relationship (a friendship, family, with their partner…) It’s not relatable anymore, we need to move on.
Yes 100% agree! It’s always so much stress and for what? Lol. It’s like, just say what you mean and move on.